A FATHER'S DAY MESSAGE FROM JOE CERVASIO
(From a recent Church Bulletin to which Joe contributed. The author dedicates the essay to Larry Wilson and his "Counselor Selling" model that Joe has used in all of his Leadership, Management, and Performance Develompent work, ... and in his role as a parent of two young ladies.)
Enjoy!
Throughout the Scriptures references to Eagles are always inspiring (Exodus 19:4; Isaiah 40:31). Indeed, God’s wonderful flying creation has even qualified as a symbol for the United States of America as the epitome of freedom.
What’s this have to do with raising children, who in my case as a Father, are adult females? Well, somewhere I’ve read about the strategy of Eagles to nudge their eaglets out of the comfortable nest, to get them to fly on their own.
First, it’s been told, the parent takes a few comfortable leaves or soft grass from the foundation of the nest, exposing less cooperative prickly branches that surely disturb the heretofore satisfied younger eagles. Then, if the babies have not gotten the message, the parent might even nudge them to step out of the safe home, only to free-fall before gaining their composure to do what God has designed them to do—fly on their own.
“Oh, my!” you’re probably saying. “Glad I wasn’t one of Joe’s daughters.”
Let me explain this. First of all, it is ideal if the parent has a life-long partner—a spouse—to assist in the process of parenting. As all of you know, it’s tough to raise children alone. Thank God for my wife Maria for all she has done and still does (better than me) to guide the girls.
But to maintain the reference to Eagles and their style of parenting, you surely are not going to get children to do anything (let alone encourage them to free-fall out of a comfortable nest), unless they TRUST you, the parent. And there is no question about it—the baby eaglets TRUST their parents instinctively, even when they get that push out of the family nest!
But how do you develop this TRUST with your children? You must RELATE to them. And how do you RELATE? There are several critical steps:
1. Demonstrate COMPETENCE—a good parent is a good person. He must be humble, standing under the laws of God, the land, and be honorable to all he meets. In setting this example, particularly that that parent would have bowed his knee at the foot of the Cross of Christ, there is a demonstration of humility to a Higher Power that cannot be ignored by the children.
But this COMPETENCE must be extending to a life-calling, where the parent has sacrificed and obeyed his own parents and other authority figures to have stepped into his calling in life, to provide for the family. And most importantly, and sometimes a hard thing, a father must have made it clear that he and his wife are always in respectful agreement, lest any children think her parents are not in unity. Thus, COMPETENCE as a Christian, provider, and husband will gain the TRUST of the child.
2. Express COMMONALITY—when the Dad let’s his children know of his similar interests in their music, sports, politics, spiritual matters, stories, etc., the child sees such COMMONALITY as an expression of agreement and mutual respect. Furthermore, the parent’s appreciation for his differences with his child will speak loudly to the child’s uniqueness, as validated in Scripture. Seeking out COMMON interests will ultimately build that all-important TRUST.
3. State INTENT—a parent should always be frank, honest, and timely in his words and comments so the child knows exactly what is happening. There should be no hidden agendas or sugar-coated realities—kids of today can see right through insincerity, even in the name of trying to camouflage a hurtful reality that has to be communicated. No hidden agendas or pulling punches with our children. Tell them like it is, but do so gently and in a Christ-like manner. TRUST will be the by-product.
4. Be EMPATHETIC—a good parent gets into the worlds of his children, feeling their hurts, contentment, success, failures, yearnings, proclivities, likes and dislikes. Like Jesus Christ who came down to walk this mesmerizing, hurtful world, leaving a heavenly paradise, we must get into the world of our children to fully understand them. Then they will understand us, and for our act of immersing ourselves in their environments, they will further TRUST us.
In the end, it’s all about TRUST, … through these steps of RELATING. Of course, the Bible has much to say about this important word: Psalms 33:21; 52:8; 119:42; Matthew 12:17-21.
If our children do not TRUST us, they will not follow us. An eaglet TRUSTS the judgment of its parent—instinctively. We have chosen to follow Christ, BECAUSE WE TRUST HIM. HE HAS RELATED TO US. Thus, the lesson is for a Father to be CHRIST-LIKE, RELATE to the child, and that all-important TRUST will follow.
Joe Cervasio
father of Tina Cervasio-McKearney and Corrine Cervasio
husband of Maria.
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